Life
should be without Longings and Regrets
Once
when I was a Junior Doctor at a hospital in Brisbane, Australia, I remember
leaning on the wall to support myself, to relieve my mind of the intense nostalgia of my life in Melbourne, especially
some special friends.
I
have never again experienced that depth of Nostalgia; anoransa in Spanish and
even better, Saudade in Portugese.
Being
fond of Mornas and Coladeras from Cabo Verde, a group of islands full of
nostalgia and sodade, I learned to convert my nostalgia to fondness: the
country I love most, Cuba remains in my heart, not as a weeping wound but a
flower with an eternal perfume.
The
countries which provided me with so much joy for the past few years: Myanmar,
Malaysia and Indonesia, all are blanketed with a tenderness, that extends to
its people, its scenery and its food.
I
am grateful and I look forward to the next encounter.
Whether
in Bali with a Japanese friend involved in saving the Jungles of Borneo or in
Miami with two delightful new friends
from Aarhus in Denmark, to them I say, quoting my favourite poet Pablo Neruda:
I have lived so much that I want to go on living
The
other side of Saudade: missing something or someone even before you have
experienced their departure is Regrets.
Songs and Poetry all express it elegantly.
I
am sure you can think of one or two popular songs with lyrics that include
Regrets…
It
was the anthropologist, Margaret Mead who scorned at the idea that Regrets
should be relegated to older age and hope to an younger age..
It is utterly false and cruelly arbitrary to put all the play and
learning into childhood, all the work into middle age, and all the regrets into
old age.
Each encounter in life, for me, is full of
possibilities and one should explore it, but neither regrets nor longings would
arise if there are no attachments.
Here the Buddhist, Yogic philosophy converge,
and this would resonate with those people who follow the words of Krishnamurti.
We are the things we possess, we are that to which we are attached.
Attachment has no nobility. Attachment to knowledge is not different from any
other gratifying addiction. Attachment is self-absorption, whether at the
lowest or at the highest level. Attachment is self-deception, it is an escape
from the hollowness of the self. The things to which we are attached, property,
people, ideas, become all-important, for without the many things which fill its
emptiness, the self is not.
Decrease your desires. I was taught. Be
grateful for what you have and don’t be unhappy with that which you do not
have, said my Indian teachers.
Attachment makes the soil of your heart and
soul infertile for happiness.
Here I must thank YMC, my dear friend from
KL, who made me aware of the Kleishas, the structural defects of the mind, who
acts as a gatekeeper for my kleishas whenever they rise up in my heart.
Among the Indians, nothing happens without
the basis of a Relationship, in the social context. So life has become one long
series of experiences of intensely savouring the experiences of others while
offering to exchange your own to listen and learn from the others.
It is when you wish to hang on to those sweet
moments or further indulge in them, that nostalgia and regrets arise. This
particular friend who gave me that intense feeling of Nostalgia at a Brisbane
hospital, explained it very clearly: We love each other so much, that we must
never see each other again, in this way we will always have each other..
Written in Miami, on this day the skies are a
misty gray, with expectant clouds with thunder and rain, after meeting two
delightful friends from Denmark, and think of a recent encounter in Bali
